Remebering Mom

Tuesday, December 30 was the 10th anniversary of my mother's death. I expected to be very sad, especially since this big day came so soon after my father's death. I was not disappointed.

I miss her so much. I can't believe that she's been gone for 10 years. Sometimes it seems like yesterday, and sometimes it seems like more than 10 years. I've also had a very stoic attitude about losing her, but not this year. This year I feel cheated. It's not fair that I haven't had a mom to talk to and guide me, especially since our relationship was getting so much better the older I got. I know if she were around today we'd be very close.

I spent the morning having coffee with her best friend and my sister. It is so great to spend time with someone who knew her well and loved her as much as I did. I do feel fortunate to have Ellen around. Then I walked down to the art gallery at Lake Anne that is dedicated to her. That's when I lost it. I felt the loss so profoundly standing in that space. The cry was very cathartic.

Mom would be 73 now. She'd still be painting and being the ring leader of all her friends. She'd probably have lots of advice on how to raise step children that I wouldn't want to hear. She would have gone crazy over the election. That would have been fun to watch.

It's good to remember her--the good and the annoying. I'll always love her.